Death As Your Advisor

I have been feeling down this week. Its stupid really. This guy (that I was not even looking at like THAT who approached ME) has been dissing me. (Please, no one is THAT busy that they can't send a text, email, or short phone call). Anyway, thats not the point. This kid I have gotten to like ain't been acting right. And I find that I have been blue this week because he has not contacted me since we spoke last Sunday. (Since *I* called him!!!)

But then I went to the wake of my distant cousin, by marriage Sintia Mesa. She was found, dead, in the trunk of her own car this last Monday. Police are looking for her boyfriend, a heroin dealer.

Her wake this evening was a WAKE-up call. A little message from Him upstairs. The only thing I remember reading from "Journey to Ixtlan" was the advice this old Indian gave this peyote-eager white guy: "Let death be your advisor." Basically, whenever you are going through some shit, look over your left shoulder at Death, waiting until that time when YOUR time on this Earth is over. Look over at Death and ask "Is the shit I'm going through right now really that DEEP when it comes to the context of my entire life? If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to have been going through this shit when it happens?" More often than not, the answer is NO.

For all my claiming not to be "Filling the Void", it still hurts like shit when the boy you like doesn't like you back. Or doesn't like you enough to MAKE time to at least let you know that they have crossed your mind. But then like Erykah Badu said... "been such a long time.. I forgot that I was fine." I just been so worried about finding someone "to come up behind me and kiss me on my neck... and breathe on my neck" that I forgot to be thankful for all the shit that *IS* going right for me at the moment. And that is of penultimate importance.

So I've shaken it off. If 'ole boy wants to holla so be it. But I shan't be waiting for no one as I've found myself doing lately.