Warning Labels

So last night my oldest sister and I take our next younger sister to go see Chris Rock at Constitution Hall. She had just turned 18 and we figured we'd take her to her first adult comedy show. Chris Rock was HYSTERICAL and we all had a really good time.





While there I remembered another comedienne by the name of S'more and she had a joke where she talked about how cool it would be if guys had warning labels that were legible as they walked by so you can decide whether or not to approach them.





This weekend I came across two situations where warning labels would have been appropriate. In one situation, I was an interloper looking in, literally, into a situation. The other situation was much more personal and as such, extremely frustrating and exasperating.



Warning #1:

WARNING! This ninja is a grimey LIAR. He is liable to tell you that the dude he's been with for the last two years and who moved 250 miles from home to be with him is "just a friend." Said ninja is also stupid as hell and thus incapable of effectively maintaining said lie. Said stupidity is evident by bringing you around the people that knew the aforementioned "just friend" and whom are naturally curious as to where the hell YOU and your gender-ambiguous best friend came from.


Warning #2:

WARNING! This ninja is the most emotionally codependent and depressed bama you ever met in your life. He is incapable of understanding or respecting the fact that though you are attracted to him and find him cool to hang out with (sometimes) you do not want a relationship with him. Subsequently, he throws throws a temper tantrum demanding you never contact him again and actually IGNORE any attempts of HIM contacting YOU whenever he is reminded of your feelings. Said ninja is also prone to alcoholism, blacking out and drunk texting all of which he does not recall later.

He has a breath-taking lack of self-esteem. He has a tendency of befriending only very attractive people in a weak attempt to shore up his own lack of self-esteem. He is not beyond going through your friend list and randomly adding people whom he feels is attractive. Said ninja is capable of planning a trip to YOUR city to visit another ex after planning to have you come up to HIS city to visit him.

What is ironic about these warning labels (and the punchline of S'more's joke) is that even if people had warning labels, she'd "still *uck with them anway" hahahaha. And though people dont have warning LABELS, they often have warning SIGNS which go equally unheeded.

And I won't even front like *I* probably shouldn't have a warning label. In fact, here it goes:

WARNING! This ninja is blunt, insensitive and sometimes just doesn't give a *uck about your feelings, ego or self-esteem. He has a tendency to let any and every opinion about they way you do things fall out of his mouth under the auspices of attempting to help you better yourself when really all he's done is spill your little feelings all over the floor and defecate on them.

WARNING! This ninja suffers from Wandering-Eye Syndrome (WES) especially when the weather is warm and folks are more inclined to show some skin. You must have a solid self-esteem to deal with this ninja's wandering eyes as he is not just satisfied looking, but needs to touch and taste as well. AND he will tell you so in very graphic and EXTRA terms. (see previous warning.)